Why I have conversationa?

I am one of those people who does not shy away from starting a conversation. Luckyly I have not yet encountered a person who shuts me up. Maybe its because my conversations are interesting and worth listening to.

My career dictates that I talk all the time. Even if I did not take the Corporate Communicatione line for a job, I would still be expected to talk non-stop. The big question is, why do I have conversations. I have been writing about being talkative but the question is about conversations.

There is a difference between talking and engaging in a conversation. A conversation has a meaning, there is another person involved (though you can have conversations with yourself). I have conversationas because I like to engage people, talk about different issues. I believe from any converastion you can learn something.

Many times I have learnt one or two things from conversations I have with my sons. There are also conversations that one needs to avoid or ignore, such as people that start conversations just for the sake of wanting to cause chaos or harvock.

I am also good at ignoring irritating conversations, but when I converse, it is with a purpose.
 

A MOTHER'S LIFE IS NEVER DULL

Everybody is talking about the end of year, how they going to rejoice having finished BTech! Lovely and good for them. But for me I still have a lot in my plate. There is definitely nothing for me to rejoice at this moment.

I have worries that will probably end late in December or in January for that matter. You ask yourself, 'What is your story now Sis Theo?'. Mine is a long story, which started the Friday my son went to school for the last time, attending their Valedictory. Now is the time to be serious, if the child has not been serious the throught the year, staying at home to prepare for exams is really a trying period that need to be used strategically.

Wow, my son, like his mother (mwha) is not really an A student not even a B, we have to work hard to get decent results. But at the moment his description and mine of working hard are totally different, this is point no.1 that is in my plate, I can not help it, I seem to be more anxious about his exams than he is. I pray all the time for the Lord to give me calmness. Are all mothers stressing at this time?

Next on my plate is the fact that the same son is going to the bush as soon as he finished his exams. That is stressing in multiples!!. Again I wish the day would not come, on the other hand he is looking forward to the whole thing!!Oh boy...sigh!!.

I have a lot of other things to worry about, I was just telling two things concerning one child, there's four others!! Ukuzala kukuzisonga!! LOL

100 things to do before I die

What a coincident, to be writing 100 things I must do before I die, when only this morning I heard of death of a family of three. I bet they all had some things they still wanted to do. 

In one of the weekend papers I read of a 95 year old woman arrested for stealing a horse from a neighbour, she later claimed that riding the neighbour's horse is in her bucket list.

Be sure that my list does not include going to jail! This is not by order, but just as I remember:-
*  tour SA especially Mpumalanga and KZN
*  celebrate 25th anniversary
*  go overseas for holiday
*  host any of my son's graduation party
*  be a General before I retire (not entirely dependent on me)
*  own a company, not neccesarily an events company
*  own a house with a big swimming pool (not a pond)
*  get Masters in PR
*  see all my kids get married and I get to have grandchildren
*  do a guest appearance in a soapie/movie

There you go guys, 10% of 100. I'll finish next time.

Take care!!!

TILL DEATH DO US PART!!

Death is never a good topic to explore, but when tragic death happens, you just can't stop talking about it until the particular loss sinks in. When I joined the department in 1985, this lady was one of the few females in the organisation, an automatic bond developed.

We both got married at almost the same year and we both had three children who are the same age group. I was blessed with three boys and she with two boys and a girl. I had always envied her for having a girl.

I last saw her in December 2010 when I was visiting in PE. We chatted for a long time talking about how grown up our kids are and remembering old times.

This morning I got shocking news of her death, her husband and their last born kid, a daughter. They were on their way to drop the child at school and then to work. It is alleged that the other driver hit them on the side, throwing the girl out and they all died at the scene. The other driver is still critical in hospital.

May their souls rest in peace. It is true that when we leave our houses and homes in the morning, we must be in peace with everybody in the house, because you do not know whether you will see them again. Imagine the two boys who said good bye to their parents and sister, within half n' hour people came to tell them they are now orphans! Life can be cruel sometimes!!

God has a reason for all that He places upon us. I hope and pray these kids find their strenght in GOD!

My big fat BIG dream.

I think it is every parent's dream to see her children become successful in life. I have all other dreams like my 25th anniversary party, getting my BTech qualifications and many many more!

But my big fat BIG dream is to see all my boys become men, not men by only going through initiation, but by completing their studies, get secure jobs and GET MARRIED and before I die, I get to see and have many grand children.

I am afraid to discuss this fat BIG dream of mine with them, because I do not want to put pressure on them. Some kids feel that what their parents wish for them has to be, in order to be a good child they must do what parents wish and say for them (I wish this was really the case). This is MY dream it should not be their burden to fullfil, it must happen if it is meant to be, I PRAY and keep dreaming, who knows, my dreams might come true some day!!.

Positive dreams bring positivity in ones life!!

KEEP DREAMING!

" No Pain, No Gain"

15th September was my husband's birthday. Unfortunately I had to be at work by 05:00, I left the house at 04:30, I even forgot to wish him a happy birthday. Only at about 08:00 I called him. On this day I was at work till 20:00. I managed to go to Canal walk and bought him a gift(not a best choice).

On Sat, 17th without him knowing, I made a booking at a Chinese massage place at Canal Walk. It was a surprise belated birthday gift. I booked for both of us head, neck and back massage. Whilst the Chinese lady was busy with me, she told me that my muscles were in knots I needed "cupping". Figuring that my husband has more on his plate than me, he must be the one more in need of this "cupping", I asked the lady to inform the lady doing my husband to also give him "cupping".

After the massage we went to a restuarant for dinner. On our way he told me that he will never go to those ladies again because they are very rough, he did not enjoy the massage at all. I also did not enjoy it but I thought because he is a man he must have enjoyed the roughness of the Chinese ladies.

One thing for sure, after the massage and cupping I felt the difference, my body felt so light and I slept very well. As much as the ladies are rough, I will still go to them when I really feel stressed, they are good for me. Anyway there is a saying that "No pain, no gain". Overall it was a good night out for just the two of us!!

God Bless You!!   

An inspiring programme for young members

I was recently involved in coordinating a programme for young members in our organisation, the target audience was youngstere 35 and under. The objective was to motivate and shoe them that the department does care about their wellbeing and lifestyles.

The highlight of the day was Dr David Molapo, he was the guest motivational speaker. Guys if you have not been to one of his talks, the next time they mention his name make sure to be there. The guy is brilliant, he is not like most speaker who will either be comedians instead of motivating or give boring speeches. H talks about real life issues you can identify with and he tells them in a very funny way.

He opened my eyes when he said that in marriage there are 3 rings, engagement, wedding ring and suffeRING!!, I know you not yet married but you need to know that there are times of suffering in a marriage. He told youngsters about 3 types of friends, (1) those who keep reminding you of bad things that have passed to you, (2) those who want to get you involved in corrupt activities and (3) those that motivate you to prosper. He said if one has no 1 & 2 friends, he/she must send them sms saying 'it is over'.

I was really impressed by this Dr, I even bought a book 'It takes two to tango' written by him and his wife.
You can even google him and see his profile.
    

Conventional is a good fallback position isn't it?

Conventional can not be a good position for anybody. In life we all aspire to be something more than who we are, we want to be wealthier, healthier, acquire more things etc. If you say that conventional is a good fallback position, it means you have given up on life, you don't want to grow in any of life spheres, life can just be as is till the end of your time!!.

We have plans for our lives, what is best is to change strategy when you see that what you are doing is not helping you to fullfil or achieve what you have planned. Falling back to a conventional way will definitely not take you forward or help you achieve what you have planned.

The best thing to do is to make a 'detour' and you will ultimately achive something which you would not have if you were in your conventional position. Conventional is a good fallback only for people who do not want to take chances and if you do not take calculated chances you will miss good opportunities.

God bless you! 

It is easy to condemn an organisation than an individual.

The actions of the two officials from Correctional Services and Police is appalling, it has been rightfully condemned by all citizens of SA (sexual scandal).

My understanding is that before people become officials in their departments they are from their homes. Morality and respect and all other principles are taught at home before one joins work force. It is dissappointing for me to hear people alligning individual's bad behaviours with the departments, as if it is the duty of superiors to teach people good behaviour.

Surely one's parents have a duty to instill discipline within their children so that when they go out in the world they do not embarass the family name. But the way this specific story was carried it was like their bosses were supposed to have taught them how to behave in public places. I feel the media and the people should have questioned South African family values, and not attack the departments.
What is happening now is that people out there are judging all officials in uniform, that is totally wrong.

SA wake up, our moral fibre is going down, instead of starting at our homes to make it right, we pass it to departments and organisations, surely that can not be the correct way.

This is my opinion and I'm sticking to it!!!

"Nothing is more dangerous than an idea, when you only have one idea" (Alain).

I think all Alain is trying to tell us is that we need to have plan B in whatever we do. This statement is so true, I have so many examples of situations where there was only one idea and when it failed, there was no other idea and the whole thing failed.

An idea can not be dangerous because having an idea means you know what you want to do and you can picture it. But the danger is to rely on this one idea and not have a second idea for in case the original idea does not work. Imagine you planning a garden wedding, the idea is that the ceremony will take place in the garden in open air. You choose a park for this wedding and the park only has one structure, public toilets.

On the day of the wedding it starts to rain and it pours. What will happen now, because there was only one idea, that of an outside garden wedding? Whereas, if there was a thought of what will happen if the weather becomes bad?. Then the second idea would have come in, having plan B of an alternative if the weather changes. In this instance the second idea would have been to look for a park that has a hall or erect a marquee for shelter.

Always think of PLAN B!!

Have you figured out the second head fake?

Mhh, second head fake!! What I can say is that we are surrounded by fakes, whether as in clothes (fong kong) or people that are fakes (imitating others). I think it is easy to figure out a person who is a fake, but because we are so taken by what is done by other people especially celebrities, we tend to envy fakeism instead of condemning it.

Most people justify being fake by saying that it is expensive to be original, fake is cheap. Is it then that we want to be considered cheap? The answer is no, God never made us fakes, therefore we must not make ourselves fakes, let's be original in everything we do.

Let's be content with who we are and what we can afford!

Team work

Ever since I started studying PR, all we are taught is TEAM WORK, whether its groups of 3,4 etc, working as a group is emphasized. It is true that in real life you will seldom work on your own, there is always two or three people to whom you owe the success of whatever you have achieved because you worked as a team, whether others were behind the scenes or not.
In a marriage, I learnt that there is nothing you must do without your spouse and children. When you want to buy furniture, you must discuss with the whole family to know what style will be good for everyone. When there's going to be a traditional ceremony, you even have to work together with other family members besides your spouse and kids.
At work, its even worse to maintain good working relations because you are bound to have opposing views and that on its own can cause tension. Some people become elephants in the team, some are subservient people who can't say no even when they know something will not work.
Team work is about voicing your views and opinion whether people will take it or not, its about contributing to the achievement of the objective of whatever you are busy with. I get frustrated by people who think that when you are a member of the team you must do everything that everybody in the team tells you to do. NO PEOPLE!! when you are at the meeting show people what you are capable of, not to show them that you are a YES MAN!!
Okey, I'm getting emotional!  PEACE PEOPLE, PEACE !!

How hard is it to follow instructions?

If the question was 'how hard is it to follow directions?, I would have answered that it is difficult especially for me here in Cape Town. But the question is about instructions, well I can follow them well, sometimes I try too hard and end up burning myself. Take an example of an assignment where the instructions say hand in a 5 page document. I then do a lot of research, end up writing a lot, and there's consequences for that!!

The reason why there is so much controversy and corruption is because people do not follow instructions (tender process) and end up in trouble. I'm not talking about people who deliberately commit corruption.
This reminds of a time in our organisation when you had to comply with any instruction given to you, whether it was lawful or unlawful. During those times we really followed instructions blindly.

It is not hard to follow instructions, its just that people have a democratic rights or choices of whether to follow instructions or not, in most instances people choose not to follow instructions and they mostly know there will be no consequences for their actions or lack thereof.  

Follow instructions its a right thing to do!!!

A life lesson!

I was so amazed when, after Tuesday, 16th's Media Studies class, I noticed how people really base all they do on being compliant instead of striving for excellence. Yes, me too, I have started to think back and I have seen that many times I have been guilt as charged.

At the office I've started to scrutinise other people's outcomes and see whether a person is delivering on compliant or excellence. To be honest there are people who are compliant, not because they do not have resources to perform excellent, but because they are plain lazy to think OUT OF THE BOX!

There is a duo in my office a newly appointed Graphic Designer and an Intern Graphic Designer. These two members are the most innovative and creative people I have ever seen. The concepts they come up with are beyond expectation, as old stock, we have to keep up with them in terms of technology, I even think the organisation as employer will have tough time fullfilling their expectations in terms of providing resources.

This means if one or two people can deliver excellence, there is nothing stopping everyone to achieve that. We just have to think what really motivates us and keep reminding ourselves.

You can't choose the 15 minutes but why would I be world famous?

Yes of course in my world I will and can be famous even more that 15 minutes. Picture me being this not just educated PR guru, but a fountain of wisdom when it comes to PR.

I will be famous because of my contribution in the revolution of the industry. This will be the times when all companies small and big acknowledge that they will be nothing without a PR Manager and they will be coming to me begging for my expectise.

Can you believe that other people seek fame to such an extent they commit crimes just to get the attention and be famous even if its just for the few hours of the pandamonium. Think of a guy, who during an international match, runs naked into the field. What could be the motivation? besides his team losing, another reason is because the person wants to be on international TV, to get the international attention!!

I hope my fame will be the result of good deed!!

Being a Queen for 10 hours!

We all know that Uagust is a women's month. There are different ways of celebrating this day. At work we have a whole month's planned activities to celebrate this month. The irony of all this is that these events are planned and executed by mostly women and as organisers we seldom enjoy these events because to us it is part of our duties.

When my husband told me about an outing planned by women at his office, and that he asked them to include, I never in a million times thought this was to be my highlight in celebrating women's month! On Friday, 12 August was the day planned for the outing. I joined a group of eleven other women. I only knew that we were going to a spa place for the day, its called Mangwanani African Spa and is situated in a remote hill in Zevenwagcht pass Kuilsriver, yes, its here in Cape Town.

The place is beyond beautiful, staff is super friendly, the main attraction for me was a big fire inside the lounge which warmed the whole place. The pampering we received was over this world, from salt and rose oil to sugar and some other oil massage. We had hands and feet massage, later on head and facials. In between these treats we had breakfast, lunch and afternoon snack.

I noticed that the whole staff is composed of African people, from the front desk to the therapists, as the ladies are called. Curious me, I asked if they have qualifications for what they do (they are damn good) or are they just trained in house. The lady said that they are qualified, before employment, they are trained for 3 months, after that they get 3 weeks practicals, then they are awarded with certificates. I then asked where are other races, the lady said that is what is unique about their Spa it African, not only in name, all services are provided by African people.

My next question was who the owners are, she said in a sort of shy voice, they are White people. That was another interesting aspect of this place which needs a blog of its own. All in all, now I am ready to finish the planned events, I'm motivated and rejuvenated!!

.    

A skill set called leadership

I'm going to talk about leadership without refering to what literature says about leadership. This is what I think leadership should be all about:-
Leadership as a skill is about commanding respect towards others so that you can be respected you too. This respect issue is relevant in all spheres of life, e.g at work, school, Church, with peers and at home. Leadership is also about people doing what you want, not because they are afraid of you, but because they strive to be professional as you, their leader.

Leadership as a skill is being examplary at all times, not only when people are watching you. A skilled leader sees opportunities where others see problems and these opportunities need not only benefit him, but others too. Being fair at all times and being consistent is a skill I think should be entailed in leadership. When the leader is fair and consistent, the subordinates respect him.

Some people are luck to be refered as leaders though none of the skills needed for leadership are part of their characteristic.
At one point or another, we all assume the role of leadership, therefore we need to recognise the skills needed to be a successful leader.

Goodbyes are never easy

My former boss has taken a post in another province. We have worked together for the past six years, which is a long time and we have developed a very close bond which extended to our families.

Another colleague, boss to another group, left before him and his people decided to have a breakfast with him to say good bye. My department was not informed or invited, when we heard about the breakfast, we decided to ask to join them as we felt we also needed to say goodbye to him. We contributed some cash and they decided that people present must take a group photo, frame it and present it to him as a gift. This was a nice gesture and valuable gift.

A month down the line my boss permanently took up his post, and I felt that after working with him for so long I need to organise a proper farewell for him. I discussed with my group and we agreed on how it should be. I informed the other group about our plans, which was to invite all communicators including them, and that we all need to contribute towards a gift.

Iyho! the other group was so annoyed with me, asking why I'm asking them to contribute so much for my boss when theirs only got a framed photo? Mind you, there is not so much difference in contribution, except that more people will attend which meant a significant amount for a gift. After discussions with the Head of us all, we decided to invite both former bosses and have them share the gift.

I wish people could understand that it is not the size of a gift that matters, for me it is the thought that counts. People that attended were really appreciated by the guests of honour, they did not even mind that some were there without gifts. They appreciated everybody's presence at the function.

Some people tend to like making a big issue out of nothing, instead of learning the good things from others and say that 'next time I'll copy that good thing and do it better', instead they look for a fault where there is none.

The farewell went very well, we had good laughs going down memory lane. People said their proper goodbyes and well wishes.

I hope my next boss will have a good heart, sense of humour and above all, fairness to all his/her subordinates just like the boss I've lost!!

 

Straight talk breaks no friendship

'Straight talk breaks no friendship', I really don't know the correct term when this phrase refers to a colleague and not a friend. I believe when a person wants you to do something, for example, a supervisor at work, he/she needs to ASK you to do the task, and not just tell you in a demeaning manner, though it is your job to do the task.

For me I will tell my supervisor when I'm not going to do the task, and I will give my reasons so that there is no ill feelings. If he/she feels my reason for refusing is unreasonable, I would ask for explanation, so that I can understand his/her point of view. This is exactly what I expect from others. We need to be on the same page in order to work pleasantly and we can only be on the same page if we take each other to the same page.

It is extremely annoying when you ask a person to do something, which is not actually an official task, he says 'ok I'll do it'. Later on when he is expected to do the task, he gives lame excuses why he can not do it. To me, such a person has no backbone, he is not man enough to say 'no, sorry I can not do it or I don't feel like doing it'. For that matter for such a request you don't even have to give a reason, when asked a favour a real man/woman will say 'yes/no' and not say yes and behind corners have a lot of negative things to say.

Can you trust such a person with real work tasks if he has such bad tendency? I just have to watch and see!

Who said its easy to lead /manage people??

Tradition vs Cruelty to animal

Recently I had the most traumatic experience in my life, which is connected to tradition. Relatives had to do a traditional ceremony which involved slaughtering a cow (Kubuyiswa utata wekhaya). We all gathered outside to witness the process that took place inside the kraal. As the elders started officiating the ceremony, the cow became restless inside the kraal causing some chaos. The people started commenting that the person for whom the ceremony is for, was a strong minded person who sometimes did things his own way, he did not take nonsense from people. So the wildness of the cow in the kraal was justified by the family, it was alikened to their father's strong character.

During the cow's restlessness, it charged into the pole (ixhanti) inside the kraal and injured one of its horns. It immediately started bleeding, at the same time they were preparing to slaughter it, but it had to make certain sounds (ikhale) before being slaughtered. It did not respond as expected and family members were now starting to panic as the absence of sound has a bad meaning and the ceremony can not continue.

All the time the cow was bleeding badly. I sensed that the family was really worried about the silence of the cow and the women sitting next to me were on the verge of tears. To the family this is a disaster, they can not continue with the tradition, they think of what could be the reason for the silence of the cow, it is obvious the Ancetsers are cross, but what is it that is causing them to be cross. Also in the village, the family becomes the source of gossip. So there were so many things going through their minds.

For me I was so stressed by the whole situation, and I could not tell which was stressing me more, the cow that was bleeding badly or my family that was in verge of tears worried about the tradition gone wrong, the fact is I was also teary. The situation was solved when elders decided to go to a witchdoctor who told them what the cause of the problem is and it happened to be true. They later continued with the ceremony and despite the cow having lost so much blood and was supposed to be weak to give the require sound, the minute the spear touched it, it gave the strongest sound and verybody was ululating and cheering.

Yes, it a tradition and culutre to slaughter, I just wish the animals could be spared the gruesome torture and pain. I understand that its not intentional to make animals to suffer, its just that I wish something could be done, what could be done?, I really do not know.  

It is through these traditional ceremonies that we also get spiritual and physical healing, so we have to do them. All that is needed is for us believers to adhere to the tradition and not think that there are short cuts.

For me, the more I witness these incidents, the more I believe in tradition and culture!! I always wonder whether my kids will follow their family or not on this issue when they are grown ups.

Whatever they decide I still ask God to give them wisdom to make right decisions.

HAPPY READING!!

Influences within the family

I have always believed that my actions as a parent have an influence on my children's behaviour and attitude in life. This behaviour or attitude might not show while the child is still staying at home, but may do so later in his life and by that time I think it will be difficult to try to change the child. It is a different story whith children that go out of their way to defy parents and do the opposite of good they are taught and what they see at their homes.

I think that the way the eldest child is treated at home has direct influence to how the siblings will turn out to be. I take an example of an eldest son who whilst being a dependant to parents and still at school, he fathers a child to another youngster who is also at school!!, I know children are gifts from God, but really in this day and age is this a situation to be really rejoiced by the parents of either the boy or the girl?

The fact of the matter is that the parents end up taking the child's responsibilities as he/she is not working and is still at school. And now if as parents you do not talk to the child in such a way that he/she feels remorseful for putting the family and his /her future in such a difficult position, the child will see nothing wrong in his behaviour and will probably down the line again have another child because parents are there ready to cover for him.

To me if parents embrace the situation as a 'blessing' than a mistake, the likelyhood is that the siblings will follow suite and have their own babies before finishing school because they have seen from the eldest brother/sister how mom and dad had easily chipped in to embrace the situation.

In no way I mean that such child must be cast away from the family. He must be made to understand that what he/she has done is not the accepted way to start adulthood, and the situation must be used as a lesson to others in such a way that they dare to do the same mistake. We talk to our children all the time about these situations, they are taught at school on good and bad behaviour, they do listen when we talk to them, the big question is 'do they hear when we talk to them?'. Listening when someone talks and hearing what someone is saying are two different things. I always pray God to give our children the 'wisdom' he gave Solomon in the Bible.

God bless you and your family!!

"Rock journalism is people who can't write interviewing people who can't talk for people who can't read" (Frank Zappa)

This reminds me of a riddle that goes like this- "He who built it sold it, the one who bought it did not use it, the one who used it did not see it", What is this thing built here? - a coffin!!.

Journalists who write about rock are supposed to have some knowledge about rock music. There is so much controvercy about written stories in the media, maybe it is people mentioned here by Frank Zappa who are guilty of scrupulous journalism.

It is common knowledge that when you are a journalist you need to know your target audience, probably this journalist has a way of interviewing people who can not talk, they might be using sign language. In any case this implies that whatever your situation is, you will ultimatley get the news and exposure.

Tough one!!

Top 200 achievements

I think the fact that this blog is supposed to be about TOP 200- not just ordinary achievements, makes it more difficult to write. I am almost 50 years old, I think I am supposed to have so much achievements. I started to think about these achievements last week, till today I have not thought of more than my one hand- yes thats true!.

I will mention only those achievements I think are significant to ME!

When I finished my Police training in 1985, that was thee most significant period- it was tough I never thought I will finish the 6 months intensive training!.

The achievement that is ongoing (if there is such), is my marriage, the fact that this year I'm married for 24 years is a great achievement for me, I'm proud of US!!

For me, raising healthy, well rounded children is an achievement, although I think this is also an ongoing excercise, so I can not really say I have achieved more especially in terms of the 3 kids that are still at home.

In 2009 I graduated my PR Diploma at 47 years, attending classes for the first time after more than 10 yrs out of school / lecture room. I had passed more than 5 courses with distinction!! This is the highlight of my achievements.

This is just a few of my achievements, watch this space for more!!

What motivates me?

What motivates me is simple - fear to fail. Whatever task I'm given, the fact that I do not want to be associated with incomplete, and half done tasks, that motivates me to work harder for success.

Some people say that they will be motivated the day they get good salaries. My understanding is the you will get the increase and be motivated, two months down the line you are used in that salary, and you go back to be demotivated.

Working in a conducive environment motivates me. I like my office to be clean and colourfull, work with have motivated colleagues, that motivates me!

More than anything else, my family (children and husband) motivate me more. Everything that I do I want to succeed so that they can be proud of me. Sometimes when I feel tired and think of quiting my job- the minute I realise why I'm working in the first place, that it is to take care of my family and give them the best I can- that motivates me.

There are different things under different circumstances that motivate me!!

Enjoy!! 

The 10 most unexpected consequences of being online

1. Twitter- I receive tweets from people I do not know and I have never followed. I think some are not even following me but I get their tweets. I do not know whether it is proper for me to comment on their tweets since they do not know me.

2.  Ever since I started to tweet and blog, if I cook one or two of my pots tend to burn!!

3.  If I'm online  using the laptop in bed, my husband gets cross he does not even get interested even if I tell him something interesting from online - he says online has taken over my life (not true)

4.  People post their compromising pictures online, and its embarassing, I'm not sure whether they do it on purpose or not.

5.  I sometimes chat nicely with people I do not even know, its amazing!!

6.  When online, you tend to get news even before the radio has broadcast it, good one!!

7.  If you are not careful, you can loose your valuable information just by pressing the wrong button- like loosing your money through online fraud.

8.  The knowledge and information you get online about anything and everything.

9.  If you are registered online, you are like a celebrity, information about you is accessible to all the people out there!.

10. When online, you are virtually all over the world, you caht with people from all walks of life.

Wow, this is a mouthfull - the topic says 'list' LOL!!

Hope this list interests you!

Partners for life

To have a partner that is always working away from home is really a difficult task. There are so many things that we read and hear about that break families. In my opinion being away from the family most of the time is one of the recipies for disaster for a family.

I think it takes true commitment to the relationship for any partner to endure loneliness, but that becomes easy to do when you know that the end results will be enjoyed by all in the family, the situation is not only to fulfill one person's ego.

It is good for the one who is away most of the time, to once in a while include the other partner in this other life. The best is to use an opportunity when there is social events, in this way the other partner has a chance to have a taste of what you busy with out there and this can make the partner to be more supportive.

One thing good out of the trip with my husband to Swaziland and the gathering with all those important people that he deals with through his work, its that, every time he comes back home I need to up my game in being hospitable, because I'm in competition with all the hotels that accomodate him. When he goes away, he must miss my home cooking, in any case people say 'you go to a man's heart through his stomach'.

Have a Blessed life!!

The elephant in the room.

I come across a lot of people that have an effect of 'being elephants in the room' in most of my circles which is school, church, work, social events etc. I don't know whether I should include home in my list, the reason is that in my culture my husband has a right to be the elephant in the room in this case our home, but that does not mean I don't give him tough time simply because times have changed.

Being an elephant in the room does nobody an advantage whether its you who assumes the role of being an elephant or your elephant status is imposed on others. When you are an elephant in a room others will reserve their inputs and will not share their thoughts which could have been helpful in the task on hand. On the other hand, you as an elephant you will miss the opportunity of gaining fresh ideas from others. We are supposed to learn from our fellow human being.

'The elephant in the room' tends to create a very stiff and boring environment. Take an example at church, if your Priest has an effect of being the elephant in the room, congegants will not enjoy themselves in church and the youth will feel trapped. Congregants especially the youth need to feel that the church accept them for who they are 'the youngster', while they still need to adhere to church principles.

At work, a person who is 'the elephant in the room', whether its the boss, supervisor or an ordinary colleague, tend to create an unproductive environment. People will reserve their brilliant ideas because the elephant in the room will crush them down, they will also not be creative and innovative because the elephant might not support their initiatives.

If you asked me, we all need to be carefull not to be 'the elephant in the room', its not good for any person. I also think that there are times when I assume the status of being 'the elephant in the room' but in most cases I'm surrounded with people I trust that they have the ability to put me in my rightfull place, because that will help all of us to be a productive team and attain our goals, whether its at my Church, at Work or at my Savings Club.  

Lets be inspired by others and embrace them and their adeas.

God Bless you all!

EVERY DAY IS A GOOD DAY.

Here we are approaching 3rd term of school and saying good bye to a well deserved break. I have been plucking myself to open the blog site and start writing from the 1st week of holidays, but it has been difficult.It has taken a scary incident to push me to finally open the laptop and write. Concerning this incident,in this day and under the circumstances I can say that 'every day is a good day', even this unfortunate situation has made this day a good day, in some tiny way if you look closely.

Of late my face had developed some acne and putting pressure on me were people commenting on it. So I finally made an appointment with a Dermatologist who prescribed antibiotic tablets and a cream. I took one tablet Sat evening and second intake was Sun, last night. 4:00 in the morning  I woke up my body itching like nobody's business.

I then thought its strange cause I just changed bedding the other day! but did not think further why my body was itching. At 5:30 I stood up went to the laundry room, on my way while in the kitchen I felt dizzy and leaned on the counter, the next moment I'm lying on the floor my husband and kids frantic trying to give me air and calling me. I still felt dizzy my whole body feeling like I'm being electric shocked. Beside feeling tired and still itching and with high temperature I was ok. My husband took me to Parow Medicross Medical Centre where I saw a doctor who immediately diagnosed that I'm reacting to a specific antibiotic found in those tablets (I still need to learn by heart the name).

Now here I am in bed for two days, which gives me time to catch-up with my blogs. Don't you think 'every day is a good day', after the scary day I'm achieving something-doing my school work!!

Have good health you guys! and happy read!!

Killing two birds with one stone.

On the 10th of June, we celebrated our 24th anniversary, yee! A month before June my hubby said 'sweety I'm taking you to Swaziland for a weekend for our anniversary', I was so over the moon, my 1st time outside SA borders! I did my passport and he did all bookings, flight and accommodation.

Frid, 17 June, came, off we flew SAA to JHB, then we took a small plane that made me scared from JHB to Swaziland. The journey was so short, I remember they gave us Simba chips and water as I was thinking they're gonna serve afternoon snacks, they announced 'ladies and gentlemen welcome to Swaziland' it was approximately a 35min flight which is way less than driving to George or Knysna!!

The Swazi Royal Spa Hotel is beautiful and fit for a king and a queen. My husband booked us a spa treatment before dinner and we enjoyed it and the ladies were excellent. The following morning he said we should visit an event he knows is taking place at Manzini, when we arrived, there were lots of people, it was actually a 10km charity race but it was time for medals. It was at this event I found that in the evening there will be a charity dinner honouring uMagogo a political stalward.

I said to my husband I don't have a problem but I do not have a dress suitable for the occassion (this was not the truth I had packed something in case, but I was not going to tell him that, seeing the he conveniently forgot to tell me about the whole charity affair). Back at the hotel I saw that there is a botique, so it was time to raid it, husband in tow. I bought a beautiful tiny black number which suits me perfectly as if it was waiting for me in its corner.

The dinner was exellent, we were VIPs seated next to well known business people and politicians. I learnt a lot about ties between SA and Swaziland and about giving back to the community.

So we had our weekend away anniversary and also networked with important people, yes of course I also got a new dress!! Talking about killing not two but three birds with one stone. It was a wonderful getaway, lots to write about, great experience.

Enjoy reading!!







 

Our greatest strengths are our weaknesses

For this topic I did not have much to think what to write about. For me, its simple, my family i.e my husband and kids are my biggest strength and my biggest weakness. The reason I wake up every morning and go to work is because of them. Because of them, I see a reason for myself to live.

Sometimes I say that, if one of them would die, I will also die, but because there are others that would still be alive, they will be my strength to go on living. They are my life, I live for them.

As I have mentioned above, about if one would die, this means they are my biggest weakness, otherwise why will I want to die also?. Sometimes things I believe in, no longer matter anymore if they clash with my family's welfare. My priorities have now changed, since I had my family, everything I do, every decision I make is based on what impact it will have on them.

My family is my biggest strength and my biggest weakness period!! This is the truth, whether that is bad or not, its my gospel truth!! I know there's a question ' will you commit a crime to save your loved one?, you can answer for yourself??

HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY!

  

TO GIVE, OR NOT TO GIVE

Three days ago I visited home in PE, after reports that my aunt is sick. I know I'm not a doctor, but after all this lady has done for me for as long as I remember,she deserves my full attention, afterall if it was not for her I might not have been the person I am.
The first thing I noticed when I got home was that she has gained weight. I indicated this and she 'blamed' the lady looking after her, she said she cooks a lot and dishes like 'there's no tomorrow'. I laughed and told her she should eat accordingly, she could eat half and eat rest later, instead of finishing all meals.

The next day we went to Livingstone hospital as she was supposed to get results from tests done previously. The results were not good,  doctor indicated that her being overweight complicates her heath more.The doctor recommended healthy eating and walking.She must go back for more tests biopsy, MCG (not 100% sure, but something like that).

Later on I asked her for a list of her groceries so I can go buy them.Hee, what concerned me in her list were the following items, sweets, peanuts, niknaks, stewing beef and other things. When I first saw the list I was like 'Are you kidding me, is this what you buy every month, junk foods?', but I did not ask loud. I went to the shop and I bought everything on the list and added things I felt were healthier and will be easy to cook.

When I told my husband about my aunt's grocery list and what the doctors had said about her weight. He was angry with me saying that I know better, I should have told her no ways and did not buy the junk stuff. I told him that was exactly what I wanted to do, but a lot came to my mind :-
*  When I was growing up,I can't remember her refusing me something I realy wanted.
*  She might think I'm being stingy not buying her 'luxuries' she normally buys for herself.
*  Even if I don't buy junk for her, she will in any case buy them later when I'm gone and she might resent me for disobeying her wish.
*  When I told her of the consequences of eating junk food, she said 'I'm going to die even if I do not eat junk food, let me enjoy eating what I like while I can'.

The big question is, am I justified to let her get away with eating junk even when I know its not good for her health? I think I have no right to deny her the things I know even when I grew up she enjoyed them a lot, (chocolate, sweets, cakes & meat)
I love my aunt so much, I would feel bad to say no to her for anything. I feel at her age she should be enjoying life in any way she so wishes, I'm supposed to give her everything she ask for, afterall that's what she did for me when she raised me.
The lesson I have learnt in all this is that, I must do away with all the bad habits (eating lots of sweets, chocolates &cakes) I inherited from her, otherwise this health crisis will be a cycle (thinking of myself at old age and my kids). Please guys don't say you're still young, take care of yourselves!! LOVE, PEACE & HEALTH!!

STRESS OVER MATRIC

Everytime I have a child in matric I stress. I believe I am justified in stressing because I'm the one who will have to pick-up pieces if the child fails at the end of the year. So far none of my children has failed matric, for that matter, they never failed a standard, thanks to God for that!!.

Every year, from day one, I preach to them to start studying from the 1st day at school, but that goes from one ear and out through another!. I'm always told to wait for results (term results) and I will see that they are studying. My kids are not genius but are hard workers.I can imagine what would happen if I just keep quiet and not push them to study,if I just wait for the results. What will happen if the results came and he has failed, it would be late to talk about studying hard as he would already have failed.

So, beside stressing about my studies, I stress about my kid's one too. I'm not complaining, that's a parent's job, luckily I have a husband who also has interest on all our studies.

I hope you will have a happy well deserved June holidays!!

Try a cliche

Almost all conversations amongst people are full of cliche. It is a mammoth task to try and find the origins of the cliche, what happened that prompted the utterer of the words to say them. Sometimes even when the words are true and the person saying them means what he/she is saying, the moment a cliche is used, the value of the words get lost, sometimes this is unfair.

Out of all the cliches I have heard there is one that I like, ' money can't buy love', not that I believe it to be true, I like it because it provokes discussion amongst people, especially youngsters in a dating game. I have always believed that love, not necessarily true love, just love-not money, is a foundation for a lasting relationship and marriage. I believed that your love for each other will make you overcome all problems that you have.

This belief of mine was tested when a young newly married nephew of mine told me that though money can not buy love in a relationship/marriage, I must remember that love can't buy food, pay bills etc. He went further to support his statement by saying that, most couple's marriages, who struggle financially, tend to be rocky, as they always fight because of stress caused by their situation.

For me personaly, I still believe, you can have all the money in the world, without love or loved ones, it means nothing. Imagine you have lots of money in the bank or under your matress, now you are sick and you need to go to the doctor, will your money come under the matress and take you to the doctor, no it will not. You need to have your loved ones to come and take care of you, yes, they will use your money to do that.

My message here is that, cherish relationships, they are more valuable than money or material things.

PEACE AND LOVE!!

Feelings follow behaviour

Once a wise person said when you have to make a decision, don't go with feelings because they change constantly. Today you can feel good about somebody or something, and tomorrow a bad thing happens to spoil the perception you have about that person or thing, then all of a sudden you nolonger feel good about it, you don't like it, you don't "feel it" . So our decisions must be based on facts not on feelings.

All I'm saying is that it is not wise for feelings to follow behaviour. Think of a scenario where a person feels lovey dovey about someone, they get married, whch is a commitent for life. Two years down the line, the lovey dovey feelings are gone and the two can not even tolerate or stand each other, then the marriage is gone! Commitments should be based on more than feelings cause feelings come and go.

There are also consequences for allowing feelings determine your behavior, most of the time its not good consequences cause when your senses return then its too late, if you demonstrated bad behaviour you can not change it, that will be how other people will know about you.

BE WISE, USE YOUR HEAD NOT YOUR HEART!!

God is always watching over us!

When my son told me that they nearly had an accident, I took it lightly untill the other one told me in detail. My stomach had knots even now as I'm writing I feel emotional. In the car it was two of my sons and a friend, I can't imagine what this accident would have done to me and to our family.

When I'm told of an accident that nearly happened I thank God for saving the people involved because I think of the people who do not have that opportunity, they die on the spot some in minor accidents. Survivors of accidents must really dedicate their lives to their Creator who has saved them, so they need to acknowledge Him.

I think we are spared because God has a purpose for us, otherwise why would you survive when other people in a similar situation die? This would have been a second time my son is involved in an accident. Everytime they drive away I become anxious until they come back. I become more worried when they drive all together, imagine if something could happen to all of them. These are just worries of being a parent, otherwise I BELIEVE God is always watching over them, only Him knows our destinations in this life.

Sorry guys this is depressing but a reality. Peace!

It is wise to seek help when you need it.

2009/10 I was not studying, I took a well deserved break from the books. During this time I know without being told that I was the perfect wife and mother. Everyday I will come from work, clean the house, cook and even help the kids with their projects. I think helping them with projects is what inspired me to go back to studying. During weekends I would beg the kids to go out with me, to movies or for shopping. They would constantly tell me that they were busy with their school work or had to go out with friends/girlfriends.

2011 I'm back to studying and now I feel like I'm failing my husband and kids. My husband is one of those people who if a house has not been cleaned for even one day, he becomes irritated. From Feb when my classes started, having registered for 5 subjects, I knew I've made a blundder. I was overwhelmed by the work and not coping. I was attending school 4 days a week. This meant no cleaning or cooking for those 4 days. I knew that I needed help or change something in my schedule. I decided to drop 2 subjects but still I was'nt giving my family the attention they are used to get from me.

I had a meeting with the whole family and we discussed the situation. We all agreed that during the week I will be assisted with cooking and cleaning. The boys and my husband will take turns to cook when I'm not there and I will cook on all other days. We were all to do spring cleaning on Saturdays. This arrangement happened smoothly in March, but by the end of April, I was back to being the 'Cinderella' of the house. This time I was just nasty to all of them because I was not getting any help from them. They all cited being busy with their school work as if I don't have any.

As you know its difficult to be master of all, the more I get work at school and got some changes career wise things became worse at my house. Dishes piled waiting for me to do them, the washing  piled waiting for me to put in the machine, this is when my husband said me and the kids we must come up with a strategy, he is not happy with how the house is, not that he gave extra help with chores. While he was in Kenya, me and the boys decided that we need an extra hand to help us in the house. This means someone that will have to be paid. Can we afford that? The boys came with an idea of cutting their pocket and spending money so that we can be able to afford this extra expense.  I still have to see if this cutting will work for them.

My husband also agreed with our suggestion and now I'm waiting for the lady to come for an interview then we will take it from there. For my sanity, my husband's peace of mind and my children's .....?? I hope this arrangement will work for ALL of us!!

This is three stories, I'm not writing for the next 3 weeks!! LOL.
ake it easy with your Moms please guys and gal!! Happy reading.

It is better to practice a little than talk a lot.

This refers to all those that are good at giving instructions about things they can't even begin to implement or do practically. I once worked with a person who will know whatever you were about to say, before you even finish to explain it. The did that with everybody, you could be talking about your experience at a certain shop, before you finish your story the person will tell you about having experienced or solved a similar situation.

The people who always say 'done that, been there...' are sometimes smooth talkers who when they are needed, they do less of what is expected from them.

For me it is better to spend more time practicing than talking a lot. When we plan an event , for example an opening of a police station, I prefer to have meetings at the venue, in that way you will be able to practice what will happen on the day (dry-run),and see what is practical or not.

So, in Public Relations, are we expected to practice a little than talk a lot? For me, we need to practice a little and also talk bot not a lot!!

Do you celebrate the things you do have?

Yes ofcourse I do celebrate the things that I have.

Every year I celebrate my marriage anniversary. Although I celebrate this important thing I have achieved so far, I do not forget that it is not because I am clever, but it is because of the Grace of God. I also celebrate my children's birthdays. When I celebrate these, I always tell them how proud I am for them being who they are and listening to us, parents, when we give them advice most of the time we give them instructions and they listen. and obey.

 I also celebrate the life that I have. The reason for celebrating it is because I appreciate the life God gave me. I celebrate it because I love my life, it is WORTH being celebrated. All it means to celebrate what you have is that you value the things you have.

If you take a closer look, you will find that all the things I confess to celebrate are not tangible things. It is things that are not manmade.I do not celebrate the tangible things. Ok I remember celebrating our fisrt  car and after two weeks my husband was involved in a car accident and the car was gone or write-off. This is one of the reasons I do not celebrate things that I have that are tangible. I think the only type of celebrating the things we have is by going down on our knees and thank the Only One who makes it possible for us to achive what we have.

 Remember guys we need to thank the Lord in Prayer for all our achivements, successes even the opposite of these need to be celebrated  or prayed for.

Wedding cake-in-the-middle-of-the road

What a coincident to be writing about a wedding cake just after the Royal Wedding!
This could mean a lot of things, from a disaster, a miracle to an impossible thing.

A disaster because a wedding cake is one of the precious items in a wedding, therefore if it is in the middle of the road, this spell D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R. Again if a wedding cake is in the middle of the road and it is still intact, that could be a miracle. If for some reason it fell from a car and it is still intact that really will be a miracle. Why would someone place a wedding cake in the middle of the road, that's just impossible unless the person is mentally deranged. Anything could happen to the cake, it can be stolen, vandalised or destroyed.

I am thinking now, if crazy rich people want to showcase how big, beautifull and expensive their wedding cake is, and they want all the people to see it. I do not think they will put it in the middle of the road. They will look at other means of displaying it, for example have big screens showing it, or take pictures and hang them arround in strategic places for all to see, but not place it in the middle of the road.

Even the Royal family with all their monies and ability to do anything , they will never place a wedding cake in the middle of the road.

It's a poor idea to lie to yourself

I'm trying to think what is the latest lie I have told myself recently......I went to the gym for the first time today after 3 months. I told myself that today is the begining of a new era, I'm going to frequent the gym!! I know I'm lying to myself because I am lazy even for me to go today my husband promised to take me to the mall after the gym, then I woke up and accompanied him, see I'm lying to myself. But I'll see, because deep down I do want to frequent the gym and as I'm writing a small voice inside me tells me that I'll stick to this promise.

This one is a BIG lie, I tell myself, "I can manage my clothing accounts", I am lying to myself because I shop more than I should. This is a poor idea because I don't try to rectify my situation as I lie by saying everything is manageable and one of these days I know it'll overwhelm me, unless I stop lying to myself.

These could be small lies but they have a potential of being contagious, they could affect my relationship with my husband. Ok, now that I have acknowledged these lies I hope to do something about them because ' it is a poor idea to lie to myself ' Some people say that a lie is a lie, there is no small or big lie, they are all LIES period!!.

I feel pity for people who lie to impress others. Imagine someone saying he/she has a big house while he/she has a two roomed house. What will the person gain about lying? nothing because even if he gets praises for his/her achievements, deep down he/she knows what is the truth. It is better for a person to work hard and achieve his/her dreams instead of lying because the person is lying to him/herself and that is a poor idea.

Is it worth spending thousands of rands for Matric Ball?

This question would be scary if I was refering to another school other than Fairbairn College. Imagine you spend R7 000 buying suit & accessories, R1 500 shoes, R2 000 car hire, R1 000 for food, mind you these are the obvious expenses for a child's Matric Ball. In my books, its a doubt even to spend the peanuts I have spent unless I'm 100% sure my kid is going to pass at the end of the year.

I know Fairbairn College always delivers, since my 1st child in Matric 2007 at the school, they have had 100% pass rate, so I've warned my child that he's not going to spoil the school's good record. I hope by saying this to him I instill fear so he can work harder.

I'm so glad my son is understanding, though he was really envious of his friend's things, he never once threw a tantrum when I told him what he is getting is all we can afford. What I tell him is that he always looks handsome cause he has taste and his clothes fit him well.

2011 FBC Matric Ball on Friday was a blast! The theme was African. Parents and friends, we were outside but inside the yard. Matrics entered the yard in smart cars, there were Ferraris, Bentleys, Ashton Martins, Exec Limos, I'm not counting cars like my son's Mercedes E-Class, Hammers etc. One had three motorcyles escorting his Bentley doing the voom.voom sound to the cheers of the crowd. They drive in and they get off the car and walk the red carpet waving to us spectators. It was a real Oscar's event.

As parents we were allowed earlier to view the venue. The hall was exquisite, table clothes were a shiny sandy colour, centre pieces were beautiful African ornaments, the walls were also decorated in African pieces. The lighting of the hall was out of this world, it created a beautiful atmosphere. Even the entrance had big African horns and earthy pieces.

The Fashion Shows on Saturday were out of this world. The boys and girls were striding on the runway like professional models, surely some of them will take that line as a hobby. They showcased their attires with the announcer telling us who inspired the designs. Names of Hollywood stars like J Lo, Beyonce, Rihana,
J-Zee, Usher, Puff Diddy etc came up as having inspired either dresses and the suits outfits.

To see kids so happy was an icing in the whole thing, they enjoyed themselves as much as they entertained us. The grade 11's performed a beautiful African dance and it was announced that the whole show was arranged by them and some of the teachers. All in all the money I have spent was worth it, but now my son better deliver, GOOD RESULTS. I must still figure out how to load pictures here.

If not now, then when?

Since September last year I have been acting in the place of my Supervisor. Only two weeks ago I have been informed formerly (not in writing, still waiting for letter of appointment) that I am acting. All along I have only been using my capacity as someone acting only when people need their documents to be signed or when they want to take rest days or leave, then I am a Supervisor. When it comes to setting rules and enforcing them, then I get funny faces like they are telling me 'you have not been appointed yet!'.

A few times when I have given instructions and a person said yes its fine, then when I check again that thing has not been done, I would then leave it at that and do the task myself as I take this as defiance and as I have not been announced to them to be acting I feel I can not enforce my supervision.

The fact is that in writing or not, appointment or not, by virtue of me being a senior member, in the absence of a Supervisor, I am accountable for whatever happens in the component. My question to MYSELF is that if I do not start now to act responsible as a Supervisor, then when? Will the piece of paper really make a difference? or it is a matter that I must be firm on the position of management attached to my status as a member in the group. If not now, then when will I assume the position of being a Supervisor?

I pray to God that He must give me the Wisdon He gave Solomon to know how to rule His people.

The sound of one hand clapping

One of the things my Reverend said today was that 'a hand washes another hand' which means people help each other. A sound of one hand clapping is not a possible thing, there needs to be two hands, then they can produce a clap sound.

When there is no co-operation amongst people, I can not even say that the sound of one hand clapping will be produced because one hand can not make a sound on its own. Whereas when a group of people co-ordinate and integrate their efforts, they will sound like one hand clapping because they do things in unison.

One hand, looking at this differently, can make a sound if you clap it on something. This can produce a sound which will depend on what you clapping your hand on. Clapping your hand on the drum can give you a nice music beat, clapping one hand on another person's cheek amounts to assault, so I want to change my statement and say that depending on how you use your hand, you can have a sound of one hand clapping.

Not all who wander are lost

The other day I asked my 'family doctor', my husband (he always gives us i-rati')what can I take to help me overcome 'forgetfulness'. I explained to him that I easily forget things more especially what I wanted to do. At work I will leave my office go to another, when I get there I will not know what I wanted there, then I would look like someone just wandering in offices. At home I will go from one room to another and I will not know what I wanted there.

I will be literally wandering, but I'll not be lost, just that I forgot what I wanted to do.Okey, my husband told me that I do not need medication, all I need is to find in my head this one file that is constantly open and just close it.He said in our heads we have lots of files for storing different things. He explained that what is happening to me is that I opened this file, dealt with the content, when I finished I never closed it, it is still open and sort of confusing me, because I deal with contents of other files that are not the same as the open one, and things get confused that is why I tend to wander, not that I am lost.

I understood when he explained this to me because he convinced me that what he was telling me was the fact. Understanding and believing are different things, so here I am still wandering but not lost still with the open file. Anyone with help?

Doing things differently makes us unique

My son was watching a movie and he asked me about Police protocol when a police member has died. I told him what happened while I was working in PE. An African Chaplain received a call that a White member stationed here in Cape Town had died and he had to break the news to his family that was staying in Summerstrand, PE.

As usual with us Blacks, whoever have to break the sad news must gather other family members, if they are far he must call close neighbours to accompany him to the bereaved family to inform them of the death.So my beloved Chaplain went to the neighbours of the member's parents and requested them to accompany us.

Neighours on both sides blankly refused and were unfriendly though we told them why we need them. So there we were knocking at the deceased's parents house and the mother answered. She wanted to know what we wanted before she invited us in. As we came in the husband joined us. The Chaplain started with his quotes from the Bible and the husband interrupted him, irritated asked what is it that we wanted.

He was told that his son, a policemen working in Cape Town had passed away. Yho the guy was so angry,he first asked why we went to his neighbours, did we tell them about their son's death, why couldn't the Chaplain go directly to them, they are offended, their family sorrow is now a neighbouhood affair, why are we treating them like that?

We had to apologise for our ignorance, we explained our aim was to get neighbours to give them support and pray with us as we break the sad news. We explained that in our custom the first person to receive news about death of a family member must gather people to break the news so they can give support. They later understood but were not convinced and asked us to never do that again and we had to promise.

As for me I would still need as many people as possible to give me support at such unfortunate time. Our Chaplain learnt a lesson and as for us accompanying him we also learnt something about the White people's culture when it comes to death.

I thought I should share this story with you guys.

MEET ME, THE NEW BLOGGER IN THE BLOCK

When I first received the assignment to Blog twice a week, I was like 'where will I start to do this THING?'.
Two months down the line, especially after the special lecture about Blog, I'm so into it. I think down the line I will overcome the problem of having 'writer's block'.

Since I've started writing my own Blogs everytime something happens in my life I look forward to write about it and share it with my team members. I write about everything and anything that comes to my mind when its time to write. It is always about my family and things we do as family. Songy is always looking forward to read what I've written, as for my Hubby, he always warns me not to be carried away, I hope I will not be.

Now that I have invited all my friends and colleagues to my Blog, I hope to write about other things too, we will see. As for my colleagues, sorry I will not be writing anything about work. We are still waiting for a policy regulating us as members on what to and not to do in terms of Social Media, till then, I invite you to my private world.

I strongly believe that there is so much negative things happening out there, at our homes, communities, at work, everywhere, sometimes we need to just ventilate about them so that they do not stress us. This is what I intend to do with my Blog, I hope you will also find your objective or motivation in reading and commenting on my Blog.

If you consistently read and comment on my Blog, when I graduate, I'll mention you all on my speech! LOL

Till next time!

Am I a bad mother?

At my house I last had a helper when the boys were in Primary, as soon as the last born started High School, we decided  that we will share the house chores even cooking. Then on top of their pocket money, they will get something from what we are saving from hiring a helper.

Now my dilema is that two of the boys have too much time wasted on games, movies etc, and the other is really serious. His study mates come to do school work with him, sometimes he goes to them or they stay at varsity till late studying. Yes his results so far show that he is serious.

The thing now is that, when the serious one is busy with his studies and it is his turn either to cook or do other chore, I check who is playing games, then I FORCE that one to help with the chores as I do not want to disturb the one studying. Then the grumbling, then I become pissed off because he is doing nothing in any case, then I threaten to cut off his incentive.

As a parent am I not at liberty to give them chores as I please, schedule or no schedule?

How do you step from the top of a 100 foot pole?

This is a hard one, not only hard in terms of interpreting this topic, but literally stepping from a 100 foot pole is really a challenge!! It is a challenge especially without a ladder.

In terms of mertaphor I can say that in life people work hard to get to the top, okey, some work not really hard but are just lucky. It is said that at some point people get to the top of the 100 foot pole by making others steps which they use to get up to the top.

For me, I do not have a problem with people using others to climb up the pole, but I have a problem with people who when they are up there, forget how they even got there. They forget that they are up there because others have sacrificed to assist them to be up there. Some, on their way up they even kick out those they have used as steps  up there.

Now comes a time when a person has to ' step from the top of a 100 foot pole', so, because he/she has kicked off his/her steps, now yhe/she has to fall hard back to the ground. There is a saying 'what goes up must come down'. So, if one has a tendency of forgetting those who help hin/her up the pole, he/she will wonder how he/she will step from the top of a 100 foot pole.

Can dreams come true?

People say that dreams do come true, if I can think off cuff now, few things can make me say that dreams do come true. Not even my marriage qualifies to be a dream come true, I never had plans of getting married,it was a matter of girl meet boy and boy liked girl, then the rest is history. What I'm trying to say is that I was never a big dreamer when I grew up.

Now that I'm matured, there are so many things that when I lie awake at night I dream about, even during the day I find myself daydreaming. I dream about lots of things, from having my grandson come to stay with me, my boys finished at school being successful businessmen, me retired running a small bussiness etc.

My latest dream is a wedding, yes MY wedding, ok, anniversary, renewal of vows, anything in those lines, but something glamorous. I have shared this dream with my husband, guess what, he has agreed on this one
'in principle,I must first see the budget' that was his response when I told him of my lates dream. This is when I started thinking ' Okey, dreams do come true' anyway, I'll say those words when the ceremony has come and gone. Keep your diaries open ' December 2012 - 25th anniversary' 

We are what we do

Am I really what I do? I'm going to talk about myself in terms of what I am and do as a parent. What I do as a parent is being a good mother to my children and others that I encounter dailly. I believe that I am what I do in the sense that I try my utmost best to be the role model to my children. I know that in some instances children imitate what we do as parents that is why whatever I do I make sure it will not give wrong message to them.

We teach our children to be the best citizens they can be, I think the best way to do that is for me as a parent to be and do the right things all the time. If I do unsavoury things then I will be labeled according to my behaviour, then I will be judged by what I do.

There is a story I read about twins whose parents were alcoholics and never cared about them, one studied hard and became a doctor and the other was a nobody who drank and could not keep a job. A person asked the one who is a doctor how did he manage to be a doctor coming from a background of drinking parents and a brother. He replied that ' with parents like mine, how can I not study and work hard to be better than what they are'. When the dronky was asked the same question, he replied ' with parents like mine, what else can you expect from me?'

Moral of the story, we really are what we do and as parents we have a strong influence to what future lies ahead for our children. But the ULTIMATE decision is on them to be what they want to be!!

How old would you be if you did'nt know how old you are?

I have heard so many times people saying that age is just a number. Where I am at the moment, I agree with that statement I am 49 but I do not feel that at all!!

Coming to the question, I would still want to be the 49yrs old I am because I have no regrets to where I am at thye moment. At times when I look at my photos when I was young, wrinkle free face and all I wish I could have that face, but that ends there, just a wishful thinking.

With all the experiences I have concerning life in general, if I wish to be younger it will mean I will have to discard all the wisedom and experiences that I have. In my life 90% from it I will trade it for nothing, I will still want to go through that life if I could do it again. If I didn't know how old I am I would want to be this 49yr old wise, smart, loving mother of 5 boys who has a loving and wonderfull husband.

We are afraid of the wrong things

It is a fact that we all are afraid of  'something'. We are all unique, therefore we can not be afraid of the same things. You might be afraid of spiders, I might be afraid of dogs, on the other hand there are people who are afraid of things that are not living, a person might be afraid of commitment, the other might be afraid of being overwhelmed by debts.

When it is said we are afraid of 'wrong' things, the question is, 'wrong' according to whom, because as I have mentioned, it might be a wrong thing for you but to me it might not. Taking being afraid of commitment as an example, a person can be afraid of commitment because a partner cheated, or he/she was in an abusive relationship. So with such an experience the person can be justified to be afraid of commitment.

Taking the same example, another person might resolve that it will be wrong to be afraid of commitment because your previous experiences are supposed to make you stronger not be weak and afraid of taking forward steps. For me it is difficult to support this statement because I belive that you have to walk in someone else's shoes to be able to judge them. Individuals have their own reasons why they are afraid of whatever they are afraid of.

Traditional ceremonies

We are living in an era that is so enlightened that you sometimes wonder if our traditional rituals are still relevant. Some families, though the elders used to do traditional ceremonies, they nowadays just abandon them and claim to be Westernised or claim to be Christians.

Some believe wholeheartedly that doing your traditional rituals keeps evil spirits away or brings luck to the family, depending on the type of ritual you are doing. People say that you have to BELIEVE, then things will start happening as you wish.
When I was growing up, traditional ceremonies were not frequently done at my home, actually only when I was grown up that I noticed a small ceremony will be done once in a while. You can imagine the shock I had when I got married I found that my in-laws not only believe in traditional things, they live them. I mean when a family member is sick, the first thing they do is to make sure all rituals have been done, like'imbeleko' intambo yokukhutshwa endlini' and so forth. If all those were done then he/she will be taken to the doctor, if not, the traditional ceremony must be done, as the belief is that ancestors are complaining that is why the person is sick.
To be honest, only a few times I have noticed the traditional diagnosis to be accurate, otherwise most of the times, we do the ritual and still have to take the person to the doctor, at that time much damage had occured. Though I was skeptical at first, nowadays, I even sometimes dream and it will be interpreted and if it means I must make 'umqombothi' for the ancestors, I do and after that good things will happen and I will also feel at peace. I think I am now really part of my huband's clan.
Frid, 18 we are going home to one of the biggest traditional ceremonies, I am so looking forward I can't wait, even my kids, they are geared up to go home. I will take picture and share them with you.

Fish falling from the sky

Fish falling from the sky, to me is like wishing for something that will never happen, like 'ukuza kuka Nxele' if you know what I mean. Nowadays you easily hear people say 'nothing is impossible'. Nothing is impossible could mean an opposite of ' fish falling from the sky'.

With all the technology that we have today, it is possible to one of these days see fish fall from the sky. Who ever knew that a man could go to the moon, who knew you could communicate with somebody thousands of miles from you, who knew there would ever be treatment for TB(that is way before you were born,TB was like HIV/AIDS today).Even when you look at us in SA, there are many things that have happened that we once thought, 'ag, that will happen the day fish fell from the sky'.

It will take people that are really optimists to use phrases like 'fish falling from the sky'. To be optimistic is to be positive, believing that with innovation and creativity, anything is possible, even believing that one day fish will fall from the sky.

What is the colour of the wind

There are so many answers to this question on the internet. Some people say the wind is colourless, transparent, there's even one who says it is black, why black? I'm not sure. This question reminds me of one of my sons who when he was at pre-primary school he drew a picture with waves, a man and a fish. The man was on the sea and the fish outside the waves, which is the land. After seeing this the teacher called me and said that she was concerned, at his age he is supposed to know the difference. She suggested that I take him for occupational therapy. He attended this therapy for about six months twice a month. After that the teacher said there is some improvement, what improvement, up to now I don't know.
When confronted with tasks, questions and instructions we do not understand, sometimes it is better to try and come up with something than not to do anything because you say ' I DON'T KNOW'. It is through the mistakes we make that we learn more about ourselves.

If you could do it all over again, would you change anything?

In 1996 I received a call that my mother suffered a stroke and she was in hospital. I was next to her bed until she was discharged. The stroke hit her left side, she lost speech and was left a bit confused. When she was discharged I brought her to my house to stay with us. Because I am working I hired a nurse to look after her. From the start I was not happy with how this lady was taking care of her and when I pointed out what I don't like, she decided not to come back, so did others after her. My quiries were ranging from her not being given medicine, not being properly fed etc. After sharing my problem with a lot of people I decided to look for a home that will take care of her in a professional and caring manner. My aunt was not happy with this decision, so were other family members. The funny part is that no one was volunteering to assist in taking care of her. This also made me feel bad as in our culture we take care of our parents, it felt like I will be abandoning her at the old age home. I prayed so much asking God for guidance, finally I made my decision. I found a home that had in-house doctors, nurses around the clock, the place was expensive but their service was excellent. I made sure that I visited her as frequently as I could and took her home during weekend and holidays. She peacefully passed away in 1998 still staying at the home. When I see other families taking care of their elderly parents, making turns to do that, I wish I had siblings maybe I would'nt have had to take her to old age home. In our culture old age homes are associated with lederly people abandoned by their children. But for me I think I made a wise decision as my goal was for her to be comfortable up to the last hours of her life. If I could do it  all over again, I would not change anything I did. By the way I'm back in that situation with my aunt and I have hired someone to help her. For my aunt it is better because she can still be incharge of the person looking after her. Will I take her to an old age home when that time comes? the answer is yes, I just hope she understands my position, which is, I can't leave work to look after her, financially, I will never be able to do that.   LONG! I KNOW, SORRY GUYS.

My life in SAPS in less than 200 words.

When I joined SAPS, I was 25yrs old, having given up finding decent work without tertiary education, then a friend told me SAPS was looking for females to join the ranks. I did not even knew where the police station was, I did not even know a person who was a policeman. Out of 14 shortlisted candidates, I was the only one from my area to be successful. The best part for me in joining SAPS is that it is where I met my husband, my 1st time to see and talk to him was 8th March 1985 in Pretoria. We got married in 1987 then the rest is history.
My biggest experience working in SAPS for so long is that I have been the VICTIM(I think so) of all the changes it has gone through. In 1985, because I am black lots of privileges were not for me, worse for being a woman had its own disadvantages (think being randomly called to pass urine so it can be tested for pregnancy). Then in 1995 we were amalgamated with TBVC states, then because you're not from the Transkei or wherever, promotions pass you(perception-you are a product of RSA). Then now the comrades took over, hey, now I'm not correctly politically connected, so here I am still studying wanting to prove myself. Don't get me wrong I LOVE being a policewoman!!

If I were the boss

If I were a boss at my organisation, I would be a boss for 170 Communication Officers throughout the Western Cape, some situated as far as Uniondale on the N1 route and some as far as Vredendal on the West Coast. If I were their boss I would try and meet with them at least twice a year in a form of Workshop where we will share best practices, experiences and build comeradie amongst communicators of SAPS.
I would also try at all Management meetings, to educate other managers how important Corporate Communication is for any organisation. At all times I will remind them that this component is not only for playing spindoctor, they should make use of it in all their projects and campaigns even if it is for support. If I were the boss, I will give all communicators resources, official cellphones, vehicles to attend crime scenes, offices (not sharing) computers with e-mail and internet access and Twitter and Blogger. Wow! If I were the boss, there is a lot I would do for this component which is regarded as the least important in the entire organisation.

Raising boys

As I have mentioned before, I have five boys but I'm writing about the three at home. When I was still buying clothes for them, I would go into the shop, first browse the girls clothes, then go to their section. I so much wished for a girl, though I think it was more about admiring their pretty clothes than anything as I was so inlove with my ' steps' (that is a term used when there is no significant gap inbetween your kids).
To me I think boys are more loving to thier mothers, they don't want to upset you or see you upset.
They are now all teens and above, there's girls, partying, school and other things, (check the order) sometimes I feel neglected, more especially when I invite them to go out and they say they have plans, Mhh, that makes me cross. When I really miss them I will even invite the girl to come along! Are all mothers this attached to their sons? One thing I pray for, when they get married, I must not interfere. To be honest, at the moment, I sometimes do interfere, not really interfere, but become curious about what happens in their relationships and I always get a suttle brush off. This is the life of being a MOTHER!!

Two people come out of a building and into a story

This topic reminds me of a significance of a marriage. I know you are not married yet, but still I'll share my thoughts with you. After the lovers are married, is that really the beginning of a story, which is about the two of them, or is it still business as ussual, each one continue with his/her life as if nothing has happened? I believe it is the begining of a story for the couple, but that does not mean one should discard 'ubuyena'.  
Experts in love say two people in the marriage should continue the courteship in order to spice up their relationship. This is true, but each must remember to give the other some space to breath and still maintain his/her identity and enjoy the things he/she loves.
The angle of the story the two people will create after coming out of a building (metaphor) really depends on how you they will treat each other. It could be a good story that will have a happy ending or the opposite. But this is meant to be a story with a happy ending. Marriage is beautifull, that is why we all want to experience it (with the exception of those without hope of getting there). Marriage is like a plant you buy from the nursery. It is beautiful and green with shinny leaves. If you buy and put it on top of your wall unit and forget about it, it will wilt and die. It will need you to take care of it, water it, sometimes take it out for fresh air. So is the marriage should be treated, the two people in it need to do exactly that, take care of it and it will flourish and you will have a beautiful story to tell your kids and grand kids. Wow, I hope I succeded in recruiting you to this wonderful institution!!

Career pathing

I have seen in my place of employment a number of people with good qualifications, but doing work that has nothing to do with their qualifications. I know when job advertisements are placed in media for operational members, the SAPS requirements is Std 10 i.e Grade 12. Mostly, people with tertiary qualifications apply and they are enlisted, undergo training and then come to work at different police stations.

What then happens is that a person with a National Diploma in Public Relations or Human Resource Management will work in the patrol van even after he/she is finished with two year probation period. This, I take as a waste of talent and skills. After training and probation people should be placed according to their skills and qualifications. I hope in future this will be rectified as there is a component called Career Management, they just need to intensify their functioning.

Designer PR?

Where can I start?, Is there something like a designer in PR? Apparently, you can be a designer PR. According to Grace Bonney of Design Sponge, all you need is to master four aspects in order to be a designer PR in the specific field of publicity. She says, you need to know your product, know your publication, have your own press kit, the new trend is digital press kit and lastly you need to make contact with editors. Your contact with editors should be simple, remember you are selling a product and the story comes second.

Guys, to me this is everyday stuff, what I think is significant is that you must do things differently, put your own signature, then you can claim to practise designer PR. Interestingly I was at campus Mon,14th I was in one of the stalls, guess what pamphlet did I pick up? It was about having the most satisfying sex. The author says that there is something called Designer Sex, yes, designer sex. He/she says that designer sex is when you have one sexual partner. So Iam correct in designer PR you must be unique and not be like every PR Practitioner or Consultant!!  

I love my aunt

I was born out of wedlock, so I grew up at my mothers home. My grandmother and aunt took care of me. When I say they took care of me, I mean they fed me, clothed me and paid for my schooling. When unrests started in Port Elizabeth in 1986 my aunt sent me to a boarding school in Ciskei. There I studied till I passed my matric. When I passed matric my aunt was willing to send me to university, but because I saw how she was struggling I decided to look for a job and work.

When I got a job at South African Police Service, I left for training, leaving her staying with my grandmother, mother and other family members. When I was at SAPS training college I got my first salary of R565.00. I sent the R500 to her and kept the R65 for my personal use. I sent her this money for the whole 6 months I was at college. When I finished training I came back home and I was surprised when she told me that she bought a house for us (me and her) and she paid its deposit with the money I sent her, so we were now officially new home owners.

As I was staying with her, we worked hard to make our home beautiful, and she never demanded anything from me as a payback because she took care of me while I was young. I am still very attached to her. Oh, the other thing is that she does not have her own children, she never had them, and my mother also passed away in 1996. My aunt is my role model of a hard working parent, she is not selfish, what she did for me, she also did for my other cousins but I am the only one who is still attached to her. I am so greatful to her, I am who I am because of her. My family, that is me, my husband and children, we visit her or buy her airticket to visit our home in Cape Town for holidays. I really love my aunt.  

I AM

I am Theodora Mngconkola, born in Port Elizabeth. I studied in Port Elizabeth, during 1986 when unrests erupted, my parents moved me to the Ciskei where I matriculated. I am an only child married to a family of 12 children who all have not less than four children each. After passing matric I joined the South African Police Service in 1985 which means I am 26 years in the Service. I am a mother of five boys, two are on their own, three still at home, of the three, two are at tertiary and the last born is doing matric this year. I am looking forward to my last born child finishing his matric because that means I am near retirement.

I am a Lieutenant Colonel in the SAPS, acting as Section Head for Community Relations. I am working harder so that I can be appointed at this position when it is advertised. Out of the 26 years in the Service, for 11 years I mostly did administration work. this is now my 15th year doing Communication. In all these years at Communication I have done Media Liaison, writing speeches for the Provincial Commissioner, doing exhibitions and organising events. According to my job description I am supposed to be doing only Community projects and campaigns, but I also do all Provincial events wherethere they are for Operational or Support Components.

When I retire in five years time I am going to still work just to keep myself busy. When I finish BTech I hope  by then I will know what I would really like to do when I retire. I am definitely not going to be a grandmother who will stay at home looking after grandchildren, I am going to give back to my community all the knowledge and experience I have goined from being a Policewoman and from the academin qualifications I have obtained at CPUT.